The Con Job and Being My H's Mother | theremustbeawayout's Blog

H. calls last night before coming home to say, "Can I go do (x) before coming home?"

Previously I would have heard this statement in this way: "How nice!  He's checking in on our schedule to see what's happening and what the parameters are!  See how he cares!"

based on our history, I now hear: "Will you please give me permission to go do something more fun than being at home with you & the offspring?"  It's just the kind of thing a teenager would call to ask of his mother.  Will you let me go do this before I have to come home and do the chores?

So here's how the conversation went down:

H:  "Can I go do (x) before coming home?"  (knowing that I have an evening appointment at a later time)

Me:  "I have no idea how long it will take you to do (x)" 

H:  (slight pause) "Have you and the offspring eaten?"

Me:  "Well, we never know when you are coming home, so yes, the offspring has eaten."  Was this passive aggressive of me?  I was stating the truth that keeps me from being able to plan, a point that H does not either care about or does not understand.

H:  "So I've missed the opportunity to eat with the offspring." [insert a short sentence indicating that, as long as he's not eating with offspring, he may as well go do his errand thing.  Note that coming to eat with me does not appear to be as interesting as his errand or eating with the offspring]

Me:  "I have not eaten."

H:  Pause. Indicates he is coming home instead of doing (x).

I put the responsibility for the choice squarely back on his shoulders.  How interesting what comes out of his mouth when I understand he is just a teenager trying to test all his limits and refuse to buy into the game.